The art of saying "No" - How did you learn it?
Kaushik Vikram Balaji
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Aurelian Spodarec@aurelianspodarec
By being taken advantage of to the point where it really bothered me, and over the years, I started to say no.
Its the same scenario on why would a dog sit on a nail, why won't it stand up> It squeecks and cries... Well, because it isn't hurting enough, yet.
And funny thing is, when I started doing that, I actually got more money. I lived at a place which I rented and lived with the owner and I was a guy that would go to the shop many times for free etc... then I started to say no and they paid me now to go.
One of many stories.
The mindset applies in other aspects of life. Eventually you get enough of bs and you start to change, as long as you want to - as some people want to stay under the radar the whole time, but you don't grow that way.
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@aurelianspodarec Brilliant! Yes, the mindset matters. Good luck, I can't wait to see the SaaS you're building.
@kaushik_vikram_balaji Yeah, mindset first and then practice. It was definitely hard to standup for myself. Funny fact, i watched Julius Cesare movie and after that I started to stand up for myself. Be like Cesare xD It will be a few products :D Some small some larger
I think saying 'No' becomes easy when you are able to articulate it politely and without causing offense.
In my line of work, I have had potential clients lowball me. On one hand, I need their projects, but cannot say yes to move ahead. So, instead of saying 'no, sorry', I say it more politely like "Unfortunately, that does not work for me. Can we do this instead?". It keeps the conversation going while also having conveyed what you needed to say.
@anand_sriniv Yep, definitely find it easier when you can word it in a professional manner. But I think it's still important to be able to say "no" in a more direct manner.
The professionalism make work in a business environment, but for other areas in your life, it may be better to just be more direct.
@anand_sriniv I find it hard to say no, and I think you articulated it well when you said that the fear of saying no is usually due to fear or offending someone.
Finding clear and kind ways to say no.
It's hard to know how to say "no". I believe you need to have your values and know yourself well to know how to say "no".
@joanduarte True that! And Good luck for your Launch, Joan! I'll be supporting for the success of DL3ARN.
You must have courage to say it
tell your honest reasons why you're saying NO and sometimes people rework on their side and give you better stuff.
@iam_sathya Right! Curious to know the people's willingness to rework after your no. Are they ready for it?
@kaushik_vikram_balaji it depends on case by case. Based on the other person's need/want/goals they will show the interest. Like if the other have the great leverage or outcome they will pursue and tend to rework multiple times.
Have not learnt it. Love seeing the comments, they're helping me out.
Later on after college when I realized that I was always taken advantage of
I think I just learned it over time based on certain realisation about life. The way I see it, I can’t make everyone happy so when I say NO, I’m okay with people being disappointed (it’s only for a short time anyway) - life goes on. And vice versa if people say no to me, it happens and if it’s worth it I’ll keep going till I can get a yes
@kaushik_vikram_balaji yes exactly. It can be pretty tough because initially you get that sad feeling of “oh I hope they aren’t upset” - then you realise in life you’re never not going to upset people, so it is what it is.
Short answer is - the hard way.
Saying "No" doesn't come naturally to any of us. We say yes to most anything, something's work out and most don't.
It's only when I looked closer with an intent to find out why am I being unproductive or not making progress - is I realised I wasn't valuing my time, attention, and purpose correctly. My focus was wavering.
The problem is one can read all the books, anecdotes from others, create frameworks - but it is only through personal experience that you learn the art of saying no. Because it is NOT the outside world that forces you to say yes, it is your voice from inside.
Great point to discuss but still looking for better ways to say no.
@patilganesh1010 true, there are always better ways to say no. It depends on what's the "No" for and why is it actually "No"and not "YES.
To say "No" to something you need to first have a perspective about it. You will have a perspective on it if you have cared about the subject enough. 🧐
So start caring about what you are building, who you are building it for, and why are you building it. 🧘♂️
When you do, you will have your opinions and will be able to meaningfully answer with a "yes" or a "no".
I struggled for a long time until I joined Mckinsey, and they taught me a framework mostly to deal with demanding situations.
Might look like I plug but just sharing as its fitting. I wrote extensively about it here:
https://twitter.com/supermode_/s...
I work in the country club industry which pretty much forces the"yes" on you. But I realized that I cannot sacrifice my whole life for work. I began saying no when my life started to disappear. For me, it costs me money everytime I say no, that's the hard part. From the people side, people respect that there is more to life.
@mitchell_reynolds3 Interesting! How's it going, Mitchell? I hope you're having fun.
You have to learn where "always YES" is coming from. Tackle that and be happy forever, saying "no" with a smile. :)
I started doing it more when I started feeling what is going on inside me when I make a decision or communicate one. And now the voice is so loud that I can't ignore it.
By saying "NO"
Initially, I said yes to all feature requests. At some point, it became very clear that the product will become bloated quickly if we keep doing that and now we only approve those features that many customers requested and that fit our product vision.
For all other requests, it is a polite "no".
@sergey_kornilov1 Yes, true! Especially for someone who is building the product, it's high time we start saying no to all the feature requests that come our way.
once you just start it becomes empowering and therefore it becomes compelling and easy
Learning to say "no" is an important skill to have in order to maintain healthy boundaries and take care of yourself. It can be helpful to practice saying "no" in your head, set clear boundaries with others, be assertive when you do say "no," and consider offering an alternative solution if you can't do something that someone has asked of you. Remember that it is okay to say "no" and that you are not obligated to do everything that others ask of you.