Make Love Not Porn

Porn-influenced views on sex & intimacy

3 followers

Porn-influenced views on sex & intimacy

3 followers

Make Love Not Porn gallery image

Make Love Not Porn gallery image

Launch tags:Books

Launch Team

The Best Life Planner 2021

You're vocal about sex, porn, and the difference between the two. What are your thoughts on the purpose of committed relationships and/or marriage (in the U.S. specifically)? What do you think are the leading causes of the ultimately high divorce rate?

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11yr ago

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@melissajoykong I'm very curious to hear your thoughts here too, Cindy. My parents are twice divorced and each divorce was extremely traumatic for them. Do you have any advice I can provide them on how to find a better partner?

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11yr ago

Hunter

@melissajoykong I have to be honest and say that what you're asking about is not my area of expertise - it is, however, very much the area of expertise of my dear friend Esther Perel whose work I recommend to everyone: http://www.estherperel.com/ But I will say that I do see (in the thousands of emails people write to MLNP, the comments left on makelovenotporn.com and the conversations I've had over the past six and a half years since MLNP launched) that our inability to talk openly and honestly about sex causes immense unhappiness in relationships and marriages. I talk about the fact that what we're tackling with MLNP lies at the heart of many social ills in this piece I wrote on 'What is sextech and why is everyone ignoring it?' for HotTopics: https://www.hottopics.ht/stories... and about its impact on human relationships in this interview I did for TED with sex educator and fellow TED speaker Al Vernacchio: http://ideas.ted.com/sex-lets-talk/ "Our parents bring us to have good manners, a work ethic, a sense of responsibility. Nobody ever brings us up to behave well in bed."

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11yr ago

Hunter

@_danfriedman @melissajoykong Dan - I'm so sorry to hear that. As I said to Melissa, please do check out Esther Perel's work in this context: http://www.estherperel.com/ From my own perspective, I would just say I think it's important to know yourself really well first - who you are, what you believe in, what you value - and then to aim to connect with partners who share the same values. All of my work - and my own life and business philosophies - are about the importance first and foremost of shared values. With MLNP we're building community around shared values to do with sex - something we're never taught to think about in those terms; when I ask people, 'What are your sexual values?' they're usually stumped for an answer. But everything starts with you and your values. My other startup IfWeRanTheWorld is co-action software that enables brands and businesses to implement what I believe is the business model of the future - Shared Values + Shared Action = Shared Profit (financial profit and social profit). I designed MLNP around that business model. So I would say, really think about and identify what your own values are - the values by which you intend to live your life and do your work - and then look for people who share the same values. Because those are the people you will really enjoy being with and benefit from, whether as friends, colleagues or romantic partners.

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11yr ago

Hi Cindy thanks so much for answering our questions today! What have been the biggest challenges or roadblocks you've faced advancing this movement?

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11yr ago

Hunter

@ems_hodge Our single biggest challenge at MLNP advancing the social sex movement, is the social dynamic I call 'Fear of what other people will think'. It's never about what the person I'm talking to thinks (when you understand what we're doing and why we're doing it, nobody can argue with it) - it's always their fear of what they think other people will think, which operates around sex more than any other area. Which, by the way, is the single most paralyzing dynamic in business and in life. It's why I say, you will never own the future if you care what other people think.

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11yr ago

Golden Kitty Awards 2016

Hey Cindy. Thanks for taking the time to answer our questions today. Much appreciated. Quick one for you - What inspired the creation of Make Love Not Porn, and where is it right now in it's development?

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11yr ago

Hunter

@corleyh This is what inspired the creation of MLNP :) http://blog.ted.com/cindy_gallop... - my direct personal experience dating younger men. Six and a half years ago I launched a tiny clunky little 'Porn World vs Real World' website at http://makelovenotporn.com/ with a TED talk that went viral, and the world responded in a way I had never anticipated - which is what led me to concept and with my team launch https://makelovenotporn.tv/ two and a half years ago. Where we're at right now is only about 30% of our full vision built, in public beta, but despite all the 'No adult content' obstacles we fight on a daily basis, we have a community of 350,000 members; we're global (our second highest traffic source after the US is China, where interestingly we're not blocked); we are generating revenue every month (tiny - in the very low five figures - but in a world where the received wisdom is 'Nobody pays for porn', our members see the value of #realworldsex); several of our MakeLoveNotPornstars are making four figures at each payout (we are the answer to the economy :)); we are seeing the social and business acceptability needle move in the direction we want it to; and we're working. A 23-year-old man wrote to us recently thanking us for the site and saying, 'Your site makes me want to have sex in a more grown-up, honest and respectful way." We are pioneering the social sex movement, we have terrific proof of concept and traction, and are currently working to raise a round of funding to be able to build out the platform to really capitalize on that.

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11yr ago

The Best Life Planner 2021

What advice do you think your future 70-year-old self would give to Cindy right now? Given what you've learned in your life so far, what advice would you give to someone in their 20s or 30s?

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11yr ago

Hunter

@melissajoykong I would like to think that my future 70-year-old self would say to me right now, 'It's all going to be all right.' :) My advice to someone in their 20s or 30s is, don't give a damn what anyone thinks. The best moment of my life (not a moment per se, more a gradual realization) was when I realized I no longer gave a damn what anyone thought of me. It's the only way to live your life and be true to yourself.

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11yr ago

Thanks for doing an AMA Cindy. What do you think is your biggest personal flaw and how have you worked to overcome that flaw throughout your career?

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11yr ago

Hunter

@davidspinks I think my biggest personal flaw is being a control freak, and I can tell you that I have worked very, very hard indeed to overcome that flaw throughout my career. :) I benefited from the fact that I spent sixteen years working in advertising for the ad agency Bartle Bogle Hegarty, which operates a system of 360-degree performance reviews - ie, you are reviewed by the people below you and around you as well as above you, and are given very straightforward, unfiltered feedback which you have to address and prove that you can change the way you operate. The great thing is that that helps you realize in due course how much happier work and life is when you do beat your control freak tendencies :) It's why I now talk a lot in my business speaking and consultancy, and work hard to generate myself, the importance of high trust versus low trust working environments.

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11yr ago

Hi Cindy, Very big fan of yours and have followed your amazing work since watching your amazing TED talk! So what do you think made the TED talk one of the most watched talks of 2009 and what advice would you give to people looking to give enaging speeches that capture the attention of their audience? I would so love your advice! Harry

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11yr ago

Hunter

@harrystebbings Harry, thank you so much for your kind words! To be honest, my TED talk made the impact it did at TED 2009 because I was talking about, and tackling, one of the most un-talked-about areas of human experience :) But what I always say to people who want to be able to speak well in public is, simply talk about something you feel strongly and are passionate/enthusiastic about, and do so in the same way you would if you were talking about that topic to your friends over dinner. Just keep it informal, genuine, real and enthusiastic, and all of that comes across. I hope that's helpful.

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11yr ago

So happy to have you here! My question is a follow up to @jacqvon's point about different groups responding in different ways -- what reception has surprised you the most?

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11yr ago

Hunter

@lejlahunts Thank you so much Lejla! The one thing that MLNP has taught me is that the issue of shame, embarrassment and lack of openness around sex affects everyone, everywhere. I've been pleasantly surprised by responses from, for example, religious quarters: I was interviewed by a Christian radio station some time back because of a sensationalized news story, and when I had the chance to explain what MLNP is all about and why we exist, was pleased to have them applaud what we're doing. Two of our MakeLoveNotPornstars, WeMegiddoStyle, as they explain here: http://talkabout.makelovenotporn... came across MLNP and said to each other, we have to do this to overcome the shame our ultra-religious upbringing imposed on us around sex. We've been extremely well-received in Ireland, a very conservative Catholic nation. So that's all been very encouraging.

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11yr ago

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