Drew House

Justin Bieber did it again! I am so impressed with my new Drew House wardrobe, and refuse to wear anything else. To tell the story properly, I must start from the beginning. My Trader Joe’s check came in, and my landlord was up my ass, “You still owe me for last month!” Like, fuck off Grandma, your guest room is not two-hundred fifty a month. Besides, my boy Ezekiel was taking a break from being a Mormon, and we’re ready to party. Saturday’s are for the Boys. Started off copping the Mascot T. You know, the white one with the smiley face, but instead of a smile, “drew” replaces the teeth. Brilliant! Shoutout to the RISD graphic designer who put together such an intricate design. Kinda pissed there’s only one Drew smiley on the shirt instead of a thousand, but I’ll eventually get over it. Aesthetic 5-stars. Next, I got the lavender corduroy button up. I sized up like you recommend, and dammit, I look amazing. Like you, I’ve been swimming in my clothing lately, wearing sizes far too big, and its been paying off. The other day, while wearing your clothes, this hot 15-year old told be I looked like Dobby with a strong jawline. It simply doesn't get better than that. The combo of timeless corduroy material and raw edges on the sleeves/bottoms really gives that trendy flea-bottom rags look, and that’s the rage for you rich celebrities. Makes us commoners think, “Look, he’s just a down to Earth peasant too!” And to anybody saying you wearing raggedy clothing is cultural appropriation, they can fuck off, and this comes from a guy who got into a screaming battle at CVS with a black man because I caught him wearing LL Bean. Anyways, I completed the ensemble with the tan corduroy carpenter pants. Bro, so glad you made them carpenter style with the loop on the side, because I totally smashed up my Grandma’s mailbox last Halloween and she’s been on my ass about building her a new one, so at least I’ll have a place to put my hammer. Practicality 5-Stars. Anyways, the night was a hit. I looked good, and everyone agreed, but my Grandma. She tried telling me that dijon and lavender didn’t go well on anyone, but what does she know, that irrational bitch said I was the one “out of line” for using the C-Word when she pierced the yolks of my sunny side eggs. Fuck her, I looked good, I got a girl’s number, and not just because I rear-ended her car flying down the street on a Bird. If she wasn't into me, she wouldn't have accepted my snapchat friend request. Also, The pants held up well in the crash, Durability 5-stars. Grandma 0-stars, wench didn't tell me the paper towel she applied to my cut knee had hydrogen peroxide on it. Shit stung. Anyways, combining my Drew House with Kanye’s Sunday Service line tomorrow. Gonna be dope. Your biggest fan, Shiloh