Gretchen Rubin
Author of NYT bestsellers Better Than Before, The Happiness Project and Happier at Home
Discussion
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
Hi, everyone! I’m Gretchen Rubin, author of “Better Than Before,” “The Happiness Project,” and several other books. Just about every day, I report on my adventures in pursuit of happiness and good habits on my blog, gretchenrubin.com, and I also have a podcast, “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” with my sister, Elizabeth Craft. I’m from Kansas City, live in NYC, am left-handed, red-haired, and drink gallons of caffeine every day. Ask me anything!
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David Huynh
@dhh83 · Co-Founder, SayMore
@gretchenrubin. Can you share your thoughts on staying "connected" with friends? Specifically, I'm curious to learn about your thoughts around talking versus texting/emailing and how this may (guessing it clearly does) or may not lead towards a more happier and fulfilling life.
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
@dhh83 Nothing can replace face-to-face, that's clear. We need to make room for that in our lives. But friendship takes time and energy, so I'm a fan of technology that makes it easier to stay connected. Like many things (ambition, money, habits, caffeine), technology is a good servant but a bad master. We need to make sure that it's helping us stay connected, when we might otherwise struggle (e.g., keeping in touch with a friend who moves frequently) but make sure it's not replacing higher forms of connection.
Erik Torenberg
@eriktorenberg · Former Product Hunt
@gretchenrubin Hey Gretchin! Thanks for joining us today.
What's something significant you've changed your mind on in the past 6 months?
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
Oh, I have a BIG one. I changed my mind about getting a dog. I'd never wanted a dog, but my daughters convinced me. We got our 11-week-old puppy, Barnaby, last week. Very exciting (and a little overwhelming). I decided to "choose the bigger life," which, for me, meant dog. I discuss here: http://gretchenrubin.com/happine...
Ryan Hoover
@rrhoover · Founder, Product Hunt
@gretchenrubin can you share a pic of your new pup? 🙏
Ryan Hoover
@rrhoover · Founder, Product Hunt
Gretchen! Happy to see you on here (pun intended... sorry). 😁
I saw you speak at @nireyal's Habit Summit a few years ago (video of your talk from NY below). How your perspective or understanding of human psychology changed since you started learning and writing about it?
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
@rrhoover I've learned so much about how people are alike, and how they're different. There's such a strong desire, from all of us, to find magic, one-size-fits-all solutions or explanations. "The key is moderation!" "Just get up, and do it first thing in the morning!" "Start small!" True for some people, not all. I feel like the more I study human nature, the more I begin to see the similarities and differences.
Erik Torenberg
@eriktorenberg · Former Product Hunt
bear with me here....If you were asking YOURSELF a question in this LIVE Chat to try to illuminate some deep truth about yourself...what would you ask?
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
@eriktorenberg I'd ask, "Are you an Upholder, a Questioner, an Obliger, or a Rebel?'" This is the framework I developed to try to illuminate a deep truth in people. I learned SO MUCH about myself when I discovered that I'm an Upholder. I'd thought I was pretty typical when it came to habits, but I'm actually on the extreme fringe. Which surprised no one but me! Read about the Four Tendencies framework, and take an online quiz to find out YOUR Tendency, here: http://gretchenrubin.com/happine...
Who are some of the most influential/impactful people in your life?
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
@katesegrin Probably the people who have influenced me most are people I've never met! Winston Churchill -- I wrote a biography about him, huge influence on my thinking and writing and living. http://gretchenrubin.com/other-b... Samuel Johnson, the way he approaches human nature. George Orwell's writing -- the essay on Dickens and Tolstoy! Unforgettable. My spiritual master St. Therese of Lisieux (read her extraordinary memoir, Story of a Soul). Virginia Woolf. Flannery O'Connor's use of formal and colloquial language. And of course, the extraordinary long-term influence of my favorite childhood writers, which did so much to shape my soul and my thinking: CS Lewis, Louisa May Alcott, Edward Eager, Elizabeth Enright....gosh I could go on and on.
Mouyyad Abdulhadi
@mouyyada · Founder Luper, Cofounder Connect5, Mar…
@gretchenrubin loved The Happiness project, out of everything you did in your happiness experiments, whats the one thing that you still do and how big of an impact has that had?
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
@mouyyada Gosh, I still do MOST of the things that I wrote about. So many things. Big things, like maintaining my blog, www.gretchenrubin.com, or being part of my children's literature reading groups, or smaller things, like kissing my husband every morning and every night. One thing that made me much happier, that I discuss in my new book Better Than Before, is quitting sugar. NOT eating sugar makes me so much happier than sugar ever did. But that wouldn't be true for everyone, I know.
Mouyyad Abdulhadi
@mouyyada · Founder Luper, Cofounder Connect5, Mar…
@gretchenrubin wow, it's great that you still do most things...maybe a follow up question, is what things do you no longer do and why? Were those things too consuming or not worth it from a happiness perspective?
Julie de Graaf
@julieschrijft · journalist
Hi Gretchen, I love your podcast. Every episode sounds so effortless (in a good, spontaneous way), it almost feels like you and Elizabeth just call each other and chat for a bit. So I'm curious to know: how much time (including preparation and editing) goes into each episode? By the way, great episode with Eliza! I listened to it while running this morning: my wednesday habit :) Thanks! - Julie (from Leiden, the Netherlands)
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
@julieschrijft That's so nice to hear! Thanks for your kind words -- especially about Eliza's appearance! Elizabeth and I have a call where we decide what subjects to talk about. Then, a few days later, we'll go over it. We talk about what we'll talk about, consult on whether a particular example or fact is worth including, decide what the "update" feature will be, debate whether a demerit/gold star is interesting, etc. Fun to include some kind of clip or unexpected note, so we also try to think if there's anything that ties in (sometimes it's obvious, sometimes not). Sometimes our producer Henry will add a little surprise, too, which is so fun to discover when Elizabeth and I listen to the final episode.
Amit Jain
@gravicle · iOS Engineer
Hey Gretchen! Good to see you on PH.
What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about happiness?
Positivity Dan
@positivitydan · n/a
@gretchenrubin, Thanks for doing this AMA! What are some critical aspects of habit formation that people usually miss?
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Gretchen Rubin
@gretchenrubin · writer, self
@positivitydan You need to start by thinking about what is true FOR YOU. Not what worked for Ben Franklin or your sister.